Dear Reader,
Today I want to talk about something that might feel a little heavy at first, but stick with me because I promise there is light at the end of this self-improvement-trap tunnel.
Lately, I’ve been struggling a bit with shame and self-worth. I have observed myself caught in a cycle of beating myself up for simply being human. I would like to preface this by sharing that the first five years of my self-improvement/healing journey were very "perfect," for lack of a better term. My entire life was about becoming a better version of me. Quitting drinking and smoking, reading self-help books, yoga, meditation, going to bed earlier, supplements, healthy habit-stacking... literally everything I was doing was designed to enhance my health, optimize my life, and make myself a "better" person.
Looking back, I know that this period of healing was needed. But after five years, it started to get exhausting. Like, when does the healing end and I just get to enjoy living life? I am all for being the best we can be, but I don't want to spend my entire life constantly striving to be the next version of me. I want to be able to enjoy this current version, too. So yes, learning how to have healthier habits and coping mechanisms is important, but at some point, shouldn't we stop learning and start integrating?
And if you look around, we live in a world where the topic of being healed/recovered is rarely discussed. There is always another supplement to add, another trauma to heal, another pound to lose, another year of therapy to attend because someone hurt your feelings. The wellness and therapy industries are making billions by convincing us that we aren't good enough. And honestly... that is totally fucked up.
So, as I said, the first five years of my healing journey were so clean-cut: This is what I am doing. I am healing, I am improving, I am being the best I can be. But year six hasn't been like that. It's been messy, difficult, and uncomfortable. And this has left me beating myself up, feeling heavy with shame, and questioning my own worth.
Has that ever happened to you? That little voice, which is often quite cruel, sneaks in and whispers that you aren't good enough? The voice tells you that because you stumbled, or because life got messy, you are somehow a "bad" person? An "unhealed" person?
I listened to that voice a lot these last few months, but I am so tired of it. I am tired of the internal trial. I am tired of essentially trying to prove myself to myself!
So here is the light at the end of the tunnel. We don't have to stay stuck in this cycle. Lately, I have been choosing a different internal monologue, not one that tells me I need to fix this or heal that, but one that tells me I am okay exactly as I am. One that has compassion and love for the person I am in this very moment. I’m acknowledging how I feel, breathing through the energy, and allowing myself to move on. I am reminding myself that I do not need to be fixed, because I was never broken to begin with.
Practice With Me
Because I needed this reminder so badly in my own life, I filmed a 15-minute Meditation for Softness & Self-Compassion. It’s a space where we can both show up, exactly as we are, and leave the self-improvement-trap at the door.
You can tune into that practice right here: Meditation for Softness
Retreat With Me
If your soul is craving a more intimate, in-person container to drop out of improvement-mode and into living and enjoying life-mode, the doors to my summer retreat, Soften & Savor, are officially open. We will spend the day together moving, creating and nourishing while we soften into ourselves and savor each moment. Eight mats are still waiting to be reserved.
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$120.00
Soften & Savor - a Summer Solstice Retreat
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Please hit reply if you have any questions, comments, or just want to share something with me.
Stay soft,
Misty
Don't forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel to practice with me from the comfort of your home!
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